Decipher the drunks with the St. Patrick’s Day Translator. Sing about how Irish Eyes are smiling…and bloodshot. A Saudi cleric has issued a fatwa on all-you-can-eat buffets so you better hurry in to Osama Bin Glutton’s! The Today Is bit celebrates St. Patrick’s Day. And we start off the week as we always do – … Continue reading UCN DailyPost for Monday, March 17, 2014 →

Get your listeners ready for the weekend before St. Patrick’s Day with ‘Drunkest Day of My Life.’ And if after all that drinking, there’s a little problem in bed, try all new Chubba Bubba! The movies ‘Need for Speed’ and ‘The Single Moms Club’ open Friday. Barack Obama wants to talk about his appearance on … Continue reading UCN DailyPost for Friday, March 14, 2014 →

We have a fake commercial for Keith Richard’s new kids’ book. You can no longer pay to name a crater on Mars, but the International Pothole Registry lets you name some craters here on Earth. There’s a new beer/sports drink on the market and we introduce a competitor. Jay Leno calls in to talk about … Continue reading UCN DailyPost for Thursday, March 13, 2014 →

Disney’s new high tech bracelets track your every move around their theme parks and now they have an even more high tech device that follows you after you go home. Pay tribute to the Real American Hero who shimmies up the lamp post to get a great view of the St. Patrick’s Day Parade. A … Continue reading UCN DailyPost for Wednesday, March 12, 2014 →

If our President can’t strike fear in Vladimir Putin, then a parody of a Brooks & Dunn classic will. It’s the Boot Putin Boogie! Justin Bieber’s recent deposition is giving him the nickname Teflon Justin. A steak tainted with LSD was sold at a Florida Walmart. If you prefer to dine out for your poisoned … Continue reading UCN DailyPost for Tuesday, March 11, 2014 →

We start out with a suggestion to OWN for a better theme song for “Lindsay.” Justin Bieber’s secret to male enhancement is a huge black square obscuring his Little Justin. There is a Johnny Carson sex tape for sale and we’ve got an actual audio clip. Help your listeners adjust to the time change with … Continue reading UCN DailyPost for Monday, March 10, 2014 →

We’ve got a Friday anthem set to the Oscar-winning song “Let It Go.” Mr. Peabody helps your listeners with Daylight Saving Time this weekend.. The films “300: Rise of an Empire” and “Mr. Peabody & Sherman” open Friday. Make fun of them with some fake trailers. Barack Obama fires back at Sarah Palin in his … Continue reading UCN DailyPost for Friday, March 7, 2014 →

Facebook is buying a company that manufactures drones and we have a sneak peek at what that will mean. Push up jeans help shape a woman’s rear end and for the men out there who want to accentuate another body part, there’s Wanglers. Teresa Giudice is going to prison and will be moving from The … Continue reading UCN DailyPost for Thursday, March 6, 2014 →

Ukraine’s future is uncertain. But what’s for sure is that Vladimir Putin is a real dic-tator, as you’ll hear in our new song. John Travolta continues to catch hell for his verbal gaffe at the Oscars and he’s on the phone to make things right. If ABC ever decides to have a chubby suitor on … Continue reading UCN DailyPost for Wednesday, March 5, 2014 →

Katy Perry has insulted Muslims and now a tape has surfaced and a fatwa has been issued. A man in Mississippi was pronounced dead and woke up two days later, but before his life insurance paid up they did a special kind of double check. We’ve got a Show Open all about the new study … Continue reading UCN DailyPost for Tuesday, March 4, 2014 →