Jay Leno - 08-01-2013

Jay Leno - 08-01-2013 DJ: We’re joined as we are every week by the host of the Tonight Show. Hello Jay Leno! How are you? JL: You kidding? I’m great! Lindsay Lohan is getting out of rehab and that means my job is about to get whole lot easier! DJ: Well, she certainly is a gold mine for comedy. JL: Now if Lindsay would only start texting with Anthony Weiner, we’d get the whole monologue written in 5 minutes. (laughs) DJ: If that! JL: Heck if they both went to Paula Deen’s house for dinner, the jokes would write themselves! (laughs) DJ: Yes they would, sir. JL: And on the subject of jokes, I have a few I’d like to test out on you lab rats. DJ: Of course. JL: Here we go! You see this? Teresa Giudice (Jew-Dee-Chay), one of the Real Housewives of New Jersey has been arrested for Fraud. I'm not sure what they mean by Fraud, but I'm guessing it means that she’s not a real housewife. Have you ever seen her do any housework? DJ: I've never seen it. JL: Here's a weird one. Because of Russia's anti-gay policies. Gay bars around the world are boycotting Russian vodka. So that means if you walk into a gay bar and ask for a White Russian, you'll get one...it just won't be the drink! DJ: Oh Jay. That's a little crude. JL: Well I apologize for that. But the discomfort is almost over as I'm on to the final joke. The New York Supreme Court has overturned Mayor Bloomberg's ban on giantic sodas. And that is a real shame. DJ And why is that, Jay? JL: Because now it's only a matter of time before Anthony Weiner Tweets a picture of his enormous cup! Haven't we seen enough of that already? Geez! DJ: We certainly have had enough. Thank you for calling in. Jay Leno everyone! JL: And don't forget to watch the Tonight Show, the number one show in Late Night. Well at least it will be until Jimmy Fallon comes in and messes it all up! See ya!